I can't understand why people feel the need to talk badly about one another. I know in my style posts I say things about the way people are dressed, and some of what is say isn't nice. But all of it is true, and is coming from a place I consider to be helpful to others. Some people truly set a bad example sometimes and maybe if it was pointed out more often it wouldn't happen as much.
As I've written before, I started a diet a few months ago. In this way of life, I changed my ways for the better. I eat healthier foods, I exercise every day, and I'm happier this way which is the most important to me. I've lost 14 pounds now and I'm very proud of myself for actually sticking to my guns and doing what I said I would. I've always struggled with my weight, even though I am a small person. I've weighed as much as 120 lbs. which for my size is almost obese. That was when I was 15. I am 21 now and weigh in at 83.5 lbs. I am in the area that is healthy for my height and frame, which is something like 80-94.
I can't see that I'm doing anything wrong.
I eat when I'm hungry. I work out almost every day for 30-60 minutes. My stomach doesn't bother me like it used to when I ate a lot of fried foods, and I'm happy about the way I'm looking.
So this all seems good....
My problem is that every where I turn, someone has something negative to say about it.
"She has an eating disorder."
"She's on drugs."
"Her boobs are smaller."
"Her ribs are huge."
"She's not healthy."
"She can't afford food."
I can deal with gossip and back biting. I don't care what people say about me, unless it's someone I'm close to. And sadly that's been the case lately.
My boss...not someone I'm close to, but someone I have to worry his opinion of me, recently told me that he gave me less hours because he was afraid I was to frail to work so much. Part of that is true because I was working 72 hours a week. I wanted a day or two off, not work one day a week so that I was 'able to rest'. That's insane.
My boyfriend...At first was very helpful and supportive. Supportive in the way that he said I was fat and a diet was a good idea. Now anytime I go to eat something, he tells me 'you'll get fat'. The most confusing thing he does is offer to take me out to eat at unhealthy places, or begs me to go get ice cream with him. You can't tell a girl shes fat then try to stuff her face with ice cream...it makes me confused and upset.
My friends...Most of the boob comments come from them. Thanks, really I hadn't noticed.
The worst one is my Mom....She complains I've gained weight. She complains I've lost weight. She complains I don't work out enough. She complains I work out to much. She complains I don't eat fried food. She screamed at me last week to go eat a big mac because I looked 'too thin'. I'm on a diet, I'm not exactly thin yet. I still have fat on parts of my body that I'm working on...thank you. She tells me I look pretty. She tells me I look scary. She complains that I don't eat enough. Then tells me we can't keep buying the food I eat.
We seem to be able to afford all the Nutty Bars, RiceKrispie Treats, Honey Buns, PORK, Fried Chicken, Greasy Chinese food, Pringles, Popcorn, Chips and Dip, and frozen dinners that she eats all the time. But we can't afford Lean Cuisine ? Hummus ? Salad ? Pita ? Strawberries ?
I love my Mom, but I wish she would pick a side and stay there, but I swear she switches every few hours and no matter what I do I'm wrong for it.
People at work tell me I need to eat.
People I actually care their opinion tell me I'm wrong.
The worst part of all this is that it's effecting me in an even worse way.
It's stressing me out.
I get upset.
I get angry.
I bitch at people.
I over eat.
I under eat.
I smoke more cigarettes.
It seems no one wants me to be happy, for more than a few minutes a day.
I honestly don't know what to do with these people anymore. I want to stop caring about everyone and just do what I know is good for me.
In the same time I know I won't be happy all alone.
The situation that I have now is really bothering me. I don't have any healthy food I can eat.
What we have in the house is the list I mentioned earlier, and really I can't stand that stuff she considers 'food'.
My body craves vegetables, fruit, protein, not pure sugar and sodium. I want to be healthy, and damn it all if everyone isn't turning that into a crime.
So I guess my Mom will see what she wants, an eating disorder brought on by the fact that I refuse to eat junk food and call it a meal.
Tonight I go hungry.
And tired since my anemia is starting to kick in.
Time to find a project to keep my mind off of other peoples back-biting ways and I pray to Allah that he saves them from self destruction and destruction of others.
The quickest way from a problem to a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.